Newsletter – April, 2020
Dear member,
I would assume that many of you have been, like Mairi and I, confined to barracks for the last few weeks – and it looks like it may be a bit longer! As I have learned from my son in the USA, the News is not so good on the virus front – already he has been giving lectures on Covid-19 to fellow ex-graduates. Anyway, lets look on the bright side if we can!
Unfortunately we have had to cancel or at least postpone this years Spring Run to 2021. Hopefully nothing will change in the route or location headquarters through in Lundin Links, Fife. Those who have already entered have agreed that we keep their entry monies until next year – so many, many thanks. The Hotel too have filled in a date for us next spring – fingers crossed!
The adjacent photograph was taken of Stirling Moss driving the Vanwall at Knockhill in 2007. Shortly after that he was asked to join the ranks of VSMA, which he readily agreed to do. Unfortunately, his name has now been added to our PastVeterans. As most who have reported on his death, and who met him on occasions, he was a true gentlemen of Motor Sport and surely will be remembered as such.
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Deaths:
I am sad to report the following deaths which have been notified to me since the last Newsletter:-
Ian Cunningham, Edinburgh died 9th Nov, 2013
Bill Nolan, Larbert died August 2018
Charlie Brown, Killearn died 4th April, 2020
Trevor Park, Aberdeen died 5th April 2020
Stirling Moss OBE, London died on 18th April, 2020
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New Email addresses:
I bring to your attention the following changes;
George Deans is now at george.dean1@icloud.com
Robert McKenzie has changed to robmckenzie16@gmail.com
Charlie Young has changed his email address to charlieyoung2009@gmail.com
Jimmy McInnes has changed hi email address to jimmymac3114@gmail.com
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New Members:
I am delighted to welcome the following five to membership of the Association. Their details can be found on clicking their name in the Members List on the website:
John Brownie, Inverurie
David Duffield, Kirkliston, W. Lothian
Ron Cumming, Northfield, Aberde
Margaret Baillie, Mauchline
Nancy Crichton, Cumbernauld
Some Funnies:
In the absence of anything to report in the VSMA world I think a few things to lighten up your day would be appropriate – form contributing members!
Bill Barr didn’t think it would be very long before somebody came up with something relating to the virus, and here it is. It’s pretty cleaver. If you want to sing it, it goes quite well to the tune of Auld Lang Syne.
Tae A Virus
Twa months ago, we didna ken
Yer name or ocht aboot ye
But lots of things hiv changed since then,
I really must salute ye.
Yer spreading rate is quite intense,
Yer feedin like a gannet
Disruption caused, is so immense,
Ye’ve shaken oor wee planet.
Corona used tae be beer,
They garnished wae limes,
But noo it’s filled us awe wae fear
These days are scary times.
Nae shakin hawns, or peckin lips,
It’s whit they awe advise
But scrub them weel, richt tae the tips,
That’s how we’ll awe survive.
Just stay inside, the hoose ye bide
Nae sneakin oot for strolls
Just check the lavvy, every hoor
And stocktake your, loo rolls
Our holidays have been pit aff
Noo that’s the Jet2 patter,
Pit oan yer thermals, have a laugh
And paddle ‘doon ra waatter
Canary Isles! no fur a while
Nae need fur suntan cream
And awe because o’ this wee bug
We ken, tae be nineteen
The boredom surely will set in,
But have a read, or doodle,
Or plan yer meals for the month
Wi 95 pot noodles
When these run oot, just look aboot
A change, it would be nice
We’ve beans and pasta by the ton
and twenty stane o’ rice.
So dinny think ye’ll wipe us oot,
Aye true, a few have died,
Bubonic, bird flu and TB
They came, they left, they tried.
Ye might be gallus, noo ma freen,
As ye jump fae cup tae cup
But when we get oor vaccine made
Yer number, will be UP.
Jimmy McInnes found that once again The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words
The winners are:
1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle 👎, olive-flavoured mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.), emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon 👎, a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
The Washington Post’s Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
The winners are:
-Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
-Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
-Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.
-Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
-Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
– Karmageddon (n): It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these Really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.
– Glibido (v): All talk and no action.
– Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.
– Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you’re eating.
And the pick of the literature:
– Ignoranus (n): A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.
That’s all folks………………. !
Stuart Parker, April 2020 Back to top
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10th April – Knockhill
