Newsletter – September, 2020
It seems a long time since I had any relevant information to send you about VSMA. In fact I had problems even remembering how to put the Newsletter together! I presume you have had a look at Tom Coffield’s very full page.
Fortunately, I have had NO deaths to report this month, which is a pleasant change.
I expect you are all getting more than fed up with the lockdown and sheltering, we certainly are but still speaking each other!
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New Member:
I am delighted to welcome the a new member to the Association. You may have already seen his details in the Members List on our website, have a look:
I was more than delighted to receive an article from Peter Shankley on his Motorsport exploits to date, he has added some very interesting personal Motor Sport stories to the”Tales from the Past” section. Worth a look.
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Some Funnies:
Again, in the absence of anything to report in the VSMA world, here a few things to lighten up your day!
From my niece: This made me laugh
Primary School Children Writing About The Sea
1) This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly age 6)
2) Oysters’ balls are called pearls. (James age 6)
3) If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island . If you don’t have sea all round you, you are incontinent. ( Wayne age 7)
4) Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She’s not my friend no more. (Kylie age 6)
5) A dolphin breaths through an arsehole on the top of its head. (Billy age
6) My dad goes out in his boat, and comes back with crabs. (Emily Burniston age 5)
7) When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes, when the wind didn’t blow, the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would be better off eating beans. (William age 7)
8) I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails. How do mermaids get pregnant? (Helen age 6)
9) I’m not going to write about the sea. My baby brother is always screaming and being sick, my Dad keeps shouting at my Mum, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can’t think what to write. (Amy age 6)
10) Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting, Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves into chargers. (Christopher age 7)
11) When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin age 6)
12) Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Two divers can’t go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky age
13) On holiday my Mum went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won’t do it again because water shot up her fanny (Julie age 7).
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From Bill Barr:
82 year-old Morris went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, ‘You’re really doing great, aren’t you?’
Morris replied, ‘Just doing what you said, Doc: ‘Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.”
The doctor said, ‘I didn’t say that.. I said, ‘You’ve got a heart murmur; be careful.’
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Thats all folks
Stuart Parker, August 2020 Back to top
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Remember, older news items can be found in the “Archived News Items” page. We would welcome additional photographs for any of the pages, but in particular we would love to be able to insert “mug shots” of people on their own page. This would let other members put a face to a name. So, if you have not already done so, dig out a recent photograph of your self and send it to me (in digital format) by email or send the original by post which I can copy and return to you.
If you would like to add anything (within reason) to the site, just send the copy to me and I will do the rest.