Newsletter July, 2013

Following the Border Run, it’s back to the daily tasks of gardening, thinking about holidays and of course putting a VSMA Newsletter together.  As usual in this task, I am indebted to several members who regularly send me some very interesting stuff.  Not all of which do I publish for reasons of propriety!  Anyway, I have included a few pieces this month which I hope you enjoy.  Our Border Run has not long past and you can read what went on by clicking here or going to the Past Events section.  It seemed to be enjoyed by those who were there.  However, next year the consensus was that we return to the North – probably Grantown-on-Spey again.  Anyway, on with the Newsletter – a few pieces of VSMA news and more funnies (which I hope you enjoy) but firstly, some sad news……..

Death of Members

Once again, I have to report the death of three of our members.   I only recently found out that Harvey McCaig had died last year on 5th June 2012.  More recently Graham Cowie died on 27th April 2013, and I heard just the other day that Brian McCluckie had died on 14th June 2013.  Information on these three gentlemen can be found in the Past Veterans section.

New Member:

On a much brighter note I am pleased to welcome David McNair from Crossford, Dunfermline into the V.S.M.A.

Members’ Database Changes:

New email addresses are available for the following members – Bob Gillespie, David Hockey, Harry Simpson and Bill Wood. In order to amend your address book, these changes can be found in the Members and Details section.

Holiday Snap:

After a recent trip to the Balearics, Walter and Bette Gray sent me this photo of the evidence.  Please note that they are both wearing their V.S.M.A. caps!

Rest and Be Thankful:

Non-member Neil MacDonald from Glenkinchie sent me some information on the old Rest and Be Thankful which he felt might be of interest to our members.  Neil was a former Dulton hill climber in 1988 and raced a Citroen 2cv between 1990 and 1994.  The clip he mentioned show a more relaxed MotorSport era. These are film clips from the Scottish National Archives.  Click on this link to take you to the National Archive page, and click further, on the image on the right to start the clip.  It looks better if viewed on full-screen.  I’m sure some of our older members will recognise a few faces, and they may have been competing themselves!  Please let me know if you recognise yourself!  AK Stevenson will be known to many but I think car 44, an Austin Atlantic was being driven by the late member Jack Wilson from Dunoon.  The clip lasts about 10 minutes and although silent it will give you an idea of how popular the Rest was with competitors and spectators alike.  There is another clip (number 1519) of a film made by Babock and Wilcox which is a bit more professional and has a soundtrack.  Reminisce and enjoy.

What’s Next:

From the VMSA point of view, apart from holidays, the next thing will be the Bo’ness Hill Climb Revival 2013 Classic Car Show on 7th/8th September. This year is the 50 Anniversary of the Porsche 911, one of the most iconic sports cars of the modern era. There will be a variety of Porsche 911s on display.  It is also the 50 anniversary of Scotland’s Jim Clark winning his first Formula 1 Championship.  Jim competed at Bo’ness in the late 1950s driving a Lister Jaguar and a Lotus Elite.  Apart from all the various stands to see, the Hill Climb will surely be the main attraction – I’m sure a few of our members will be competing once more. And of course, we will be there in out “tent”.  Please do drop in and see us, have a chat and partake of some refreshment.

A couple of unusual YouTube clips

For full effect, both should be viewed in full-screen mode. Click the first one The Amazing Feather Balancing act by Miyoko Shida Rigolo which is really quite amazing – you will be spellbound as to how talented this lady is. (you may have to click to skip the Advert at the start).

The second one is for our Music Lovers.  It is a video of one of those crowd events sent to me by a colleague from Vancouver. Click on Grocery Store Opera – it’s best viewed in full screen.  Enjoy.

Any C.S.M.A. Members out there?:

This year is the 90th Anniversary of the Civil Service Motoring Association.  Harry Merry is the Clerk of the Course and a member of this club (probably for most of these years) and has organised the  “Scenic Observation Run” on Sunday the 7th of July (a type of treasure hunt) to commemorate this.  It is open to everyone and not just CSMA members. Harry can be contacted at or 01555 770652 for Regs. and Entry Forms or go to click “Upcoming Events” then “Scenic Observation Tour” to download the Regs and Entry Forms.  The event is being run by the Fife Group of CSMA starting at 1300 hours and finishing some 4 hours later. Photographs taken along the route will be supplied to guide you.

Amusing stuff from Members:

(Please do keep them coming in)

If my body was a Car …….. from Jimmy McInnes

If my body was a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model.
I’ve got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull…

But that’s not the worst of it……….. My headlights are out of focus, and it’s especially hard to see things up close.

My traction is not as graceful as it once was.  I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.

My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.

It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed.  My fuel rate burns inefficiently.

But here’s the worst of it…….

Almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter,Either My Radiator Leaks or My Exhaust Backfires!

Why do I have so many friends about whom I believe this applies???

The Speeding Ticket…… From Tom McCallum

An older lady gets pulled over for speeding…….

Older Woman:   “Is there a problem, Officer?”

         Officer:   “Ma’am, you were speeding.” 

Older Woman:   “Oh, I see.” 

         Officer:   “Can I see your license please?”

Older Woman:   “I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.”


Officer:   “You don’t have one?” 

Older Woman:   “Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.” 

         Officer:   “I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.” 

Older Woman:    “Can’t do that.” 

         Officer:    “Why not?” 

Older Woman:    “I stole this car.” 

         Officer:    “Stole it?” 

Older Woman:    “Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.” 

         Officer:    “You what?” 

Older Woman:    “His body parts are in plastic bags in the boot….. want to look?”   

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up.

  Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. 

                A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

       Officer 2:   “Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle please!” 

                                 The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Older woman:    “Is there a problem sir?”

      Officer 2:   “One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.”

Older Woman:  “Murdered the owner?”

      Officer 2:   “Yes, could you please open the boot of your car, please.” 

     The woman opens the boot, revealing there was nothing there …. It was empty.

      Officer 2:   “Is this your car, ma’am?” 

Older Woman:   “Yes, here are the registration papers.”     

 The officer is quite stunned.

      Officer 2:   “One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.” 

 The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. 

The officer examines the license.   He looks quite puzzled. 

       Officer 2:   “Thank you ma’am, one of my officers also told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.”  

Older Woman:   “Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too!!!!”

 Finally, a few more PARAPROSDOKIANS:

These are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected -frequently humorous.

“To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.”

“I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.”

“Behind every successful man is his woman.
Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.”

“I used to be indecisive.  Now, I’m not so sure.”

“To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.”

“They begin the evening news with ‘Good Evening,’ then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.”

“Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.”

That’s all for now folks………………. !

Stuart Parker, July 2013

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